Therapy Notes

Coming to therapy is a little daunting to many of us. As a therapist, I am constantly aware of how difficult it can be to enter into the commitment of therapy. And while main stream media has popularized the idea of therapy and we watch characters like Tony Soprano going to therapy, the idea of going to see a stranger, telling them all of our negative thoughts and feelings and actually having to work on our issues can be very overwhelming and scary.

I often tell my clients that going to therapy is like looking in the mirror: you get to see the good, the bad and the ugly. While most of us know exactly what the bad is (you know all those repetitive thoughts, negative self talk, the fights with our significant others, the drinking too much, and bad relationships we keep getting into) and we are afraid to admit the ugly (any self harming thoughts or behaviors, thoughts of hurting others, sexual thoughts and behaviors and abusing drugs and alcohol) we often are completely unaware of the good. The good are skills, strengths, abilities that you may be unaware of or may be having difficulty seeing. Therapy helps clients to identify what is positive in their lives, what positive attributes they have, and to accentuate the positive feelings they have. So while what generally brings us to therapy are those dark thoughts, what we tend to discover as we continue on in treatment are the positive within us.

We often see the most distorted images of ourselves.  And coming to therapy can correct those distortions bringing us closer to a more realistic image.  To work on the distorted images we initially start with correcting the distorted thoughts.  I ask clients to challenge their distorted thinking by asking themselves “Where is the evidence that I am ____?  Sometimes clients will ask me what if I AM ugly, fat, mean, etc.  I always tell them I have no problem if that is reality.  If the thinking isn’t distorted we look at it too but we don’t need to correct the thinking.

As I tackle the negative thinking I also have to assign affirmations.  Now those of you who are old enough remember a spoof that SNL did called “Daily Affirmations with Stuart Smalley”

“I’m good enough, “I’m smart enough and doggone it people like me.”

As silly as it may be affirmations work but here is the trick – you cannot lie to yourself.  So while you may want to say “I like myself” if that isn’t true it won’t work.  So you’ve got to start with affirmations you believe in otherwise they won’t work.

So good luck and have fun looking into the mirror!